Some chatty cathies on the net aren’t happy with the mainstream media. The latest curfuffle: Disagreement over what to call Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab, who Christmas Day botched an attempt to explode a plane but did manage a successful explosion in his pants. And not the good kind.
So far “The Underwear Bomber” seems to be nudging out “Pants Bomber” for top byte-worthy nickname, but shows all the creative spark of (
not making these up)
"The Clearasil Bandit" or the
"Sunglasses Bandit" or
"The English Major Bandit" or the
"Prostitute Killer". The last of these, of course, not exactly a helpful distinguishing factor as I assume most if not all of the general populace, at one time or another, has murdered a whore or two.
Face it, the press hasn’t had an original or clever nickname since the days of Deep Throat or the Zodiac Killer, nor one so deliciously riddled with innuendo. And
certainly no one with more potential for a really catchy and demeaning label.
SAMPLICITIES TOP 10 MORE APPROPRIATE NAMES FOR THE SO-CALLED "UNDERWEAR BOMBER"
1) The BVD Terrorist – BVD in this case standing for Butt Vortice Detonator
2) Poo-Bomber – rhymes with Shoe Bomber, the much more dignified fuck-up by Richard Reid
3) Sludge Bomb McFudge Pants would be more popular with kids.
4) Panty Bomber – heard a talk radio host coin this, and while not especially imaginative it got me thinking, Was Umar wearing women’s underclothes? If so, this seemingly ho-hum-failed-bomb-plot-come-genital-mutilation-come-self-soiling story just became interesting.
5) The Bum-Bomber might be appropriate for British markets. Also on deck: Old Naughty Knickers.
6) Whitey Tighties Terrorist
7) The Spice Island Scorcher – some explanation required (though none provided)
8) Jockstrap Jihadi – alliterative and kinda cute
9) drawing a blank on number nine
10) Fruit of the Boom – Not really a designation so much as a great headline. If I worked for the Times Tribune I’d turn resurrect print journalism with those four words.
--MS
